Skipping the gym.

I ate too much pizza and candy today to go to the gym. I hate when it happens, but it happens, and probably more (okay definitely more) than I would like to admit. When I skip the gym I always need some sort of productive excuse so I don't feel as guilty for not going. Generally its look for jobs or live vicariously through others on Facebook. (While re-reading this I have come to the realization I may be coming off as a fat loser. Hopefully I'll correct these misinterpretations at some point.) Tonight I said, "Self, it's time you created a blog." I mean, everyone else rambles about their life, so I might as well too, right? Except, I don't yet have the gall to display my feelings, food, medical diagnosis, engagement, marriage, and babies (oh yeah and dogs and cats) on Facebook. I mean, do people really care? I don't. I just look because I'm that bored and need constant entertainment. Then after reading it, I'm like, "Really? I just read that? I think I just lost 5 brain cells." Which, if you're still reading this you've probably come to the same conclusion (and have affirmed your earlier interpretation of my being a fat loser). And at this point, I'm severely off topic. So, yes, I decided to start a blog, but the first thing it asks you for is a title, which is probably the most important part and takes the most time to come up with, which makes me think it should be the last question. I spent about ten minutes while at the same time responding to a joint email with my sisters about the usefulness of mammograms before the age of 40. (I'll probably get back to that later.) Pretty much every title I came up with didn't have an available .blogspot to go with it. I finally settled on "wayfinder" but still had to deal with the web address not being the same. Alas. I'll probably get bored of blogging after tonight anyway and some poor schmuck will be angry when he finds way-find.blogspot is taken and not even being properly used. So with title and website secured I'm ready to blog.

First, we should clear up any presumptions about me you've made from the first paragraph. Yes, it's true, I do eat a lot but not in front of other people. Most people think I'm all uber-healthy, always eating vegetables, no meat, and going to the gym. The truth is: I love meat. I've tried to get rid of it, but its not happening. Its great. I just don't really buy it, because who  buys a whole thing of meat for just herself? And yes, I could make one thing and eat it all week, but I feel weird cooking family sized meals for myself. So, right. Uber-healthy only in public and by public I mean around people who know me. Otherwise I'm a closet compulsive eater. Okay this is not helping clear up anything from the first paragraph. I do go to the gym a lot though. Usually 5ish times a week, though I've really slacked these past four days. I blame my period. Its two weeks away, but I still blame it. The thing is, if we're going to touch on why I'm really blogging, it's because I'm unhappy (my sister says I can't say depressed, because I'm really not. What I really am is not okay with my life not going according to plan.). I'm Type A. I know this because before starting this blog I took an online test. The highest you could score was like 380. I got 305. What annoys me, though, is I'm not Type A enough anymore. I used to be uber-healthy, on the verge of not healthy, all the time. Public, private, you name it. I was obsessed with the gym, eating right (/not enough), and counting calories, but I was always happy. Now I'm not happy and I'm pretty sure if I could get back to that person, I would be happy again. (Now I'm not a fat loser, but a crazy person. This is not going well). The real truth is the reason why I was happy all the time is because I had my girl friends and we were always doing crazy things. Now those girl friends all have serious boyfriends and I have a carton of ice cream and a large pizza. But, now that I'm fat (well not really, on good days I can still fit into a pair of size 2 dress pants and my regular jeans are a size 6) I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to have fun (I know that sounds horrible, but this is a blog and bloggers are honest) so I can't meet a guy. Its a self perpetuating cycle. So the real reason I'm not at the gym is because I hung out with food today and he always gets me in trouble, though he feels great at the time. Such a jerk.

Okay. Now that I now sound like a fat (well not that fat), loser, who would prefer to be so Type A she's anorexic and thinks fat people should be punished which all leads to what you're probably concluding is the reason she's single, maybe I should write about something important. 

So let's talk about the mammograms. My sister is 39 (you didn't hear it from me) and her doctor says she should have a baseline mammogram. Mammograms are currently recommended for women when they become 40; however, this recommendation is only because people went up in arms when the US Preventative Task Force (I think thats the correct organization) made a recommendation that you don't need mammograms unless you have family history or other risk factors until you're 50. I agree with the Task Force; my sisters do not. Especially the one who is becoming a nurse. She says she'd get a mammogram tomorrow if her doctor told her to (She's 30 this year). I say we over-prescribe in this country. If there is no family history and no other presenting risk factors why get an expensive procedure done? It makes no sense to me. Plus one article I read today said doctors may detect small lumps, which may never amount to anything, and conduct a procedure on them that could do more harm than good. What's the sense in that? Its like Warren Buffett getting screened for prostate cancer. The treatments he has will most likely do more harm than good. Granted, I'll admit, I'd rather have a small lump found early so it can be monitored, but really what are the chances? (Watch I'll get breast cancer tomorrow). I know its not an issue to be taken lightly, but where is the line drawn? When will people stop thinking they need all these tests and when will doctors stop thinking they need to prescribe them? Case in point, I went to the doctors back in January. My gynecologist suggested I may have Celiac's. I had no presenting symptoms, other than she heard there may be a connection between CD and missed periods (which is what I had). So she tells me to mention it to my primary care doc. I do with the caveat that I'm pretty positive my gynecologist only said that because its the hot new disease to have. My doctor asked about other symptoms, which I already stated I have none but she tested me for it anyway! How ludicrous is that? I don't have it and the test itself is shitty and often results in false-negatives (or is it false-positives?). If you couldn't tell, I'm wary of doctors (and by wary I mean not scared, but I like to challenge them). Probably because I dated a medical student who couldn't diagnose an UTI and had an orthopedist tell me I had hip-pointer which is generally a football injury (I haven't played a game of football since high school).  

I said earlier I took a personality test. One of the questions asked if I talked a lot. By now you know the answer is yes. I'll stop for now, but know I could keep going. By hook or by crook I'll get to the gym tomorrow, so who knows if I'll write again. Check back just in case.